Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall
“Never in her life had she liked the stories told by mirrors.”
Since the Snow White era, mirrors have been telling outrageous stories, if you think of it that way. Stories we believe, stories we want to believe, and stories that no one in their right mind would believe.
The above quote is by Pat Conroy, describing a character in a book I am currently reading. I am intrigued by the idea of mirrors telling stories, and find it to make perfect sense.
For example, every morning we wake up, we go through various rituals of preparing ourselves for the day, and at some point these rituals lead us in front of a mirror. We look into it, and….do we not immediately transcribe what the reflective surface is telling us to think? Here are some things that my bathroom mirror has said to me in the recent past:
“The bags under your eyes are not too bad today! A little concealer and it will look as though you slept for 12 hours!”
“Luckily, you can still suck in your tummy enough to look as though you didn’t completely overindulge over the last few weeks. It’s a good thing you’re planning on going for a few runs this weekend.”
“You’re dressed professionally enough that you look enthusiastic about your job. People will take you seriously while wearing this get-up.”
“You look like a sincere, intelligent young lady. Matt’s parents will think you are wonderful. Just smile and try to relax. It will be fun.”
“You look exhausted. You should really try to go to bed early tonight. Like, really early…..6 PM early.”
“Matt is going to LOVE this dress. And what’s under the dress. And my charming wit and personality. But the dress is a good starting point.”
And so it goes. Am I alone in this reflective conversation? Do men stand before mirrors and hear similar stories about facial hair, brawny shoulders, and tie knots? Are these stories helping or hindering us? Is it just another thing we tell ourselves to get another day started?
What if you shower at night? (I am choosing to associate these mirrored stories with the part of day that we spend the most time in their presence.) By showering at night, you are no longer focusing on the tasks of the day ahead, but perhaps reflecting on how the day went. The stories are more retrospective, full of either wishful mental do-overs or exaggerated accounts of the day’s fulfilled goals and disciplines.
In my case, I tend to believe that the mirror is spinning things more positively than perhaps is warranted. I am choosing to be thankful for this for the moment, mostly because I can remember a time when this was not the case. Is the opposite true for others? I would think that someone suffering from depression is hearing different stories from the mirrors in their lives, stories that are perhaps harder to twist into a hopeful attitude as they set out to conquer the day.
Is the mirror a representation of what we think of ourselves or what we think that others think of us? Are we putting words in the mirrors’ mouths? Regardless, how seriously are we as humans taking this information? Self-esteem is obviously found in more than what you see in a mirror and choose to believe about yourself; it is also in the reflection you get of yourself through other people who matter to you. Or in some cases, sadly, through people who don’t matter to you but whose input seems valuable for some reason.
There was this horrible reality TV show several years ago (I don’t remember the name exactly, but I think it had to do with a swan?) that involved people who were “less attractive” by societal standards getting the chance of a lifetime: to go through complete physical transformations involving all-expenses-paid makeovers. Most included severe dental procedures (full veneers or at least braces, and many had dental-related surgeries to restructure their jaw line), hair implants, skin grafting to cover up those unsightly freckles or wrinkles, and of course – the intensive personal trainer and wardrobe stylist to “fix” these poor souls who had lost their way. The most interesting part of watching this train wreck was that a large part of their transformation involved them being completely separated from their family and friends, and they had went to painstaking effort to remove all mirrors from the facilities. The participants went months without seeing their reflection at all. Being true to reality TV, they played up the drama of missing their families, enduring painful recoveries from surgeries, and slipping into their familiar negative self-talk, but most of all – capturing the “big moment” when the participants would see themselves in a mirror for the first time in several months and hardly recognize themselves.
Now, I am not an advocate for reality TV, but I would be interested to hear what stories these people heard from that supposed new mirror. And, did they create stories to fill the void during the time away from their visual self-image? If so, how varied were these stories from the ones with a visual component? Do we rely on a daily “story” to check in with our progress? Is having access to a mirror a human requirement? Are our mirrors ultimately enabling us to lie to ourselves on a daily basis? If so, where do we look for truth?
As much as I hate to admit it, I think the fairy tales were onto something.
